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Hell explained by a Chemistry Student

January 13, 2009

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. Hat top to Annabelle Mark who is a constant source of this type of material

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

  1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
  2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct……leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+

11 responses to “Hell explained by a Chemistry Student”

  1. Michael says:

    This is the funniest thing ever..

  2. Poppy Dan says:

    This is accurate and explains the true source on the big bang.

  3. Unitd77 says:

    This is very funny and scientific!

  4. Chris Lorenzo Lewis says:

    Brava! Brava!

  5. Di@mond3y3dj@ck says:

    And they say the future of our country is in jeopardy! IDTS

  6. ijiu says:

    too funny 🙂

  7. Vlad says:

    No! This is not funny! It’s a mockery of an important point that affects every person upon entering death. The attitude of a young person who views death to be far away from himself is misleading. Perhaps the “student” would care to sober up, visit the archives and view statistics of the quantity of youth that have passed on.

  8. Kristina says:

    I call shenannigans. this was circulating around the internet a while back but it was a U of A student who wrote it, not Washington… need to look this one up on urban legends… could be a hoax

  9. Well, it just make sense. Thus, there are many people who believe in hell and in heaven that give them some information which it might relate into their knowledge. It may be a good thing on how that student explain hell by the use of chemistry.

  10. Kevin Jay Kinney says:

    This is the funniest thing I have ever read!!

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