Teen repellent & Quetzalcoatl update

October 8, 2006

The BBC brings news of a fellow Welshman, one Howard Stapleton, who has performed a noble (sic) act by creating a device that will repel teenagers. It won the Ig Noble Peace Prize and represents a considerable service to humanity. Other winners included a US-Israeli study into how a finger up the rectum cures hiccups. For the avoidance of doubt – if you meet me in a social setting – I prefer to live with the hiccups. Ideas on how this will help the Middle East Peace Process are welcome. For any teenagers reading this (including my own) who fancy some Termination of Intractable Hiccups with Digital Rectal Massage: I intend to buy a copy of Howard Stapleon’s wonderful invention at the first opportunity.

Oh, an update for those of you interested in the forthcoming restoration of world harmony by the green feathered serpent god of the Mayans in 2012. I have discovered that we were mistaken in Wiltshire in believing that we would be the location for the return of Quetzalcoatl – I obviously misread the crop circle. I now discover that the location will be Shropshire. It turns out that they have spent 15 years developing a new potato (or tatws as we say in Wales). It is called Mayan Gold and is the restoration of an ancient South American breed. Obviouly the food source is being prepared and the Welsh Marches can now expect to be the first recipient of bounty in six years time. Of course if he gets hiccups from eating this new and rare foodstuff too quickly, understandable after such a long period of absence, we all know what to do.

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